


loving somebody

by phollie



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 08:12:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8883469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phollie/pseuds/phollie
Summary: "Seeing the way you and Viktor talked before he left...it was nice.""I thought I sounded pretty hysterical, actually."Sara shakes her head. "No. You sounded like you cared, because you do. Like you pushed through the hurt for his sake and yours, because that's what was best." She takes a sip of the dismal hot chocolate, avoiding Yuuri's eye. "Stuff like that," she mutters around the rim of the cup.





	

**loving somebody**

+

 _you gotta swim, swim when it hurts_  
_the whole world is watching,_  
_you haven't come this far_  
_to fall off the earth._  
_the currents will pull you_  
_away from your love.  
_ _just keep your head above._

\- [swim // jack's mannequin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYdqZj7xgNI)

+

Umpteen different pairs of arms wrap themselves around Yuuri's shoulders – or maybe stay stock-still in a cold shock (Seung-gil), or offer an awkward pat on the back before retreating (JJ) – and still he feels cold.

Bundled up in full winter gear, he sits cross-legged in a wicker chair by the window, staring out onto a city that isn't home. His eyes have been steadfastly avoiding the sky ever since Viktor boarded his first flight; images of crashes, of flames and carnage and all the things that make his mother take medicine for her nerves before a flight have had his stomach twisting itself into knots at even the thought of clouds. _Funny,_ he thinks, unsmiling, _how I've never worried once about myself on a plane. Just him._

"You're gonna depress the whole rink if you keep it up with that face."

When Yuuri looks up, the smiling face of Sara greets him like an old friend whose texts he's been avoiding. Guilt stabs at his stomach, and the smile he offers back to her is tense as a tightrope. "Sorry. I have a lot on my mind, I guess."

"Of course you do." Sara sits beside him and offers a paper cup of what looks like hot chocolate. "Want some? It tastes terrible."

For whatever reason, Yuuri accepts the cup and takes a sip. His face screws up in disdain as he hands it back to her. "You're right, it's awful."

"Isn't it?" Sara takes a swig, her face unchanging, then sets it down on the tiny table between their seats. She studies Yuuri up close with glittering eyes, chin propped up on her palm. "Wow. You really are depressed."

Yuuri doesn't know how to respond to that, and so all he says is, "Sorry."

Sara shrugs. "No need to be. I'm just pointing it out. You looked so skipper when Viktor was here, and now you look like a sick puppy."

Yuuri winces.

"Hm? What's wrong?"

Yuuri rubs at his tired eyes and shakes his head. "It's just – it's fine, you didn't know, but Viktor had to leave because of a sick dog. So..."

"Oh." Sara's voice is small and faint now. "Oh, God. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it's okay. Like I said, you didn't know details."

"But still..." Sara taps worriedly at her mouth, her eyes out the window. "Poor thing. Viktor, too. And you."

Yuuri feels his words fall away from him again, and so he answers only with a nod and a sullen curl of his body in the chair, wrapping his arms around his bent knees. Then, a thought comes to him. "I knew it'd be okay sending him away, though. I knew I could keep going even if he wasn't here."

Sara gives a light laugh. "Says the boy moping by the window."

"Yeah. But I'm okay, is the thing. I mean, I'm not over the moon or anything...but I got through my program, and now I just have to wait. That's about all I can do."

When he gets no response, he looks at Sara and finds her staring at him, her expression unreadable. The two sit in silence for a few beats before she speaks, very quietly. "You know, you really helped me back there."

Yuuri blinks at her. "I did?"

She nods, still looking out the glass and onto the snowy night. "That's why I came to talk to you now. I wasn't going to bug you for nothing."

"You aren't bugging me. Promise."

Sara turns her head to smile at him, then looks back out the window. "Seeing the way you and Viktor talked before he left...it was nice."

"I thought I sounded pretty hysterical, actually."

Sara shakes her head. "No. You sounded like you cared, because you do. Like you pushed through the hurt for his sake and yours, because that's what was best." She takes a sip of the dismal hot chocolate, avoiding Yuuri's eye. "Stuff like that," she mutters around the rim of the cup.

Yuuri says nothing in response, just absorbs her words with a pleased sort of shock that balms itself over the chill in his chest, warming it. Sara rises to her feet with a spring. "Mila's taking me out for dinner. Want to come?"

The question pulls the first genuine smile out of Yuuri since Viktor left. "That's okay, but thank you. Go have fun."

"I will! You'd probably be bored anyway. All the girl talk."

And with a friendly wink and wave, Sara floats away, and Yuuri is alone at the window again with nothing but a neglected hot chocolate for company. The whole room seems quieter and uncomfortably still without another person's voice to move the air around. Burrowing back into himself, Yuuri keeps his eyes on the lit windows outside, but never the sky.

+

Viktor could almost liken his current headache to a hangover, but that isn't right at all; hangovers come after something fun, some sweet-tasting sake in a cozy bar while nestled up to Yuuri's side, tucked inside the heat of the other's earnest embarrassment.

And this – _this_ isn't fun.

Mari's eyes are as tired as Viktor feels as they sit side by side in the waiting room. She keeps fiddling with her bottom lip, twisting and pulling at it. Sometimes she pantomimes the motion of dragging a cigarette to and from her mouth, her eyes lost in space. Not a moment goes by where she isn't fidgeting, and there's something comforting about that sense of constancy from her, that restless readjusting that Viktor knows far too well when he's left in one place for too long.

At one point, she flicks her eyes sideways at him and mumbles, "This sucks. This really sucks, and I'm sorry."

Viktor gives a gracious bow of his head and rubs at his red-rimmed eyes, trying to smile. When he tries to speak, no words come.

"Sorry for piping up out of nowhere," she goes on. "Just realized I hadn't, like, said anything at all this whole time. And God knows you're in a worse spot than me right now. Your dog and all. Thank all things holy he'll make it through this..."

Viktor keeps rubbing at his eyes until stars move behind his eyelids.

"I just hope you don't hate me too much."

Viktor looks at her in genuine surprise. "Hate you? Why ever would I?"

Mari twists and twists at her lip. She doesn't look at him. "My job to look after him, wasn't it? And now here we are. Vet clinic in the middle of the night." She nods to the coffee machine on the opposite side of the room. "Crappy coffee and all."

Viktor gives a small, sad smile. "And here I was about to get myself a cup."

"Well, don't let me stop you."

He rises on creaking, tired legs and makes his way across the waiting room. The coffee spurts out in pathetic little coughs and only fills half of the paper cup before running dry. When Viktor takes a sip, he's too exhausted to even scrunch up his nose in disdain at the taste.

When he sits back down, Mari speaks. "Can I tell you something?"

Viktor breathes out a laugh. "Can it be something nice, please?"

"It is. But don't tell Yuuri I told you."

Viktor immediately perks up, stares expectantly at her profile as she smiles down at her clasped hands. "We had a dog not too long ago," she says. "Good dog. The sweetest little boy. Well, more of a sweet old man near the end, but yeah. I damn near had a heart attack when I saw your boy. It was like seeing an old friend back from the afterlife. Thought I was hallucinating."

Viktor listens quietly, both hands wrapped around the half-filled paper cup in his lap. The clock on the wall ticks loudly out into the silent, empty room.

"Yuuri loved that dog," says Mari. "Just about ruined him when he passed. You saw what happened. Everyone did..."

Viktor gives a small nod.

"Wasn't his fault," Mari murmurs. "Yuuri just...he feels so much. All the time. Loves more than just about anyone I know."

A warm glow lights itself in Viktor's chest. "That's the same impression of him I got." 

"Anyway," Mari says with a hoarse laugh, "what I _mean_ to tell you is, yeah, he named his dog after you."

Viktor nearly chokes on his sip of coffee, spills it down his chin and onto the collar of his shirt. Mari snorts with laughter and pats him on the back with three strong thumps of her fist. "Easy, easy. Thought it'd cheer you up, not kill you."

Viktor wipes his chin and calms his coughing. For the first time since arriving here tonight, he laughs, a stunned and delighted laugh that makes his whole body feel vibrant and safe. "I'm alive," he says, wiping his eyes. They're wet with tears. "I'm alive. Thank you for telling me. It's wonderful."

"Like I said, don't tell him I told you." Mari thumps him hard on the back again with her big hand. "He might've been planning to tell you himself one day. Or maybe he's too embarrassed. Either way, he'll pass out if he found out I told you, so. Keep that mouth of yours zipped."

"It's wonderful," Viktor repeats, his voice soft as he closes his eyes for one impossibly tender moment. When Yuuri's earnest face flashes through his mind, chin tilted up and eyes glittering, it's almost like he's right there.


End file.
